We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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