I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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