her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
