real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
