When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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