its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
