Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
