What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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