She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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