Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want her autograph on my taint
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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