You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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