He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
