the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
