Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
