just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
