what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
