i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
