capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He has the fingertips of a God
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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