FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
