Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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