The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
