My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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