Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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