I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
