My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
