One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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