remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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