i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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