she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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