I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
