meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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