you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
