If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
