i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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