Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
