ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
