i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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