There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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