I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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