I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
