Sponge bath it is.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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