I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
