We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
