Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
