You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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