Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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