normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
