Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize