Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
