Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What a dumb baby whore.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize