I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
