Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
