Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
