I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
