Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
