My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
