It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
