He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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