it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
