Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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