If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
