So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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