Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize